Friendship Diary - con't

I was betrayed by Sharon*, yes. I thought she and I were best friends. In the end, though, she never cared for me.

Now, I've done something ten times worse. I've hurt someone who I love very much. My best friend: Roslynne*

I met her becuase she read my diary on this page (The Friendship Page) and e-mailed me with, by far, the sweetest letter I've ever read, I've come to love her as the most important person in my life aside from my role model: Lucy Lawless.

However, I've come to a point where I'm not really sure of anything. I don't have much faith in anything or anyone, becuase as I get older I learn that there are so many people out there who are so untrustworthy it's scary. It's something I'll get over, but right now is a very scary time for me, and I'm losing my trust in everything and everyone. I'm not even entirely sure of my feelings for Roslynne anymore. One thing I do know, though, is that I never want to hurt her.

So I decided to tell her how I feel before it was too late. Now I have hurt her, and that makes me not only as bad, but worse than Sharon.

At least Sharon NEVER tried to convince me that she cared for me. I convinced myself that she did.

But Roslynne... I told her everyday that I loved her and that she was my soulmate. And I meant every word of it at the time.

Maybe if I had stopped to think of what could happen, then maybe I wouldn't have hurt her.

I still value her above any other person, besides Lucy, of course. But maybe I was just so excited about h aving someone care for me AT LAST, that I made myself believe that she was the one: my soulamte.

Maybe she is.

How can we be sure?

I don't know, but if we truly are destined for each other, then we'll find away...

somehow.