The Friendship Page Advice Forum

[mike3002]

k so I'm a guy. I'm in college and I have lots of friends. I'm apparently really funny and nice but I have one problem. I am kind of stuck at turning friends into best friends. I have know this big group of guys (40 or so of them) for 3 years now (I know them from first year college, I am now in my third year.) The problem is, I have not seen this group of guys in a year because I have been extremely busy, so basically I am over a year behind now. The other guys have had longer to bond with eachother. And if you've figured it out, yes I am talking about a fraternity. (These guys aren't typical fraternity guys though. There's many quality guys, and those are the ones I hang out with. Most frat guys are usally to group-mentalistic for me, though.)

I have concluded that I probably need to start going to memorable events (wuality over quantity) so that i'll always be in peoples' minds. I probably should also find some secrets about myself and tell them to certain friends so that they see that I trust them. The only problem here is that I can't think of any secrets about myself that I am actually willing to tell someone. The only ones I can think of are boring, and would not suit the situation well. Any ideas on this?

Obviously I need to try to relate to potential best-friends as much as possible, which is kind of hard for me sometimes since I am kinda different than most people. It's a good kind of different, but it makes me feel like I have to act fake a little too much in order to seem impressed.


I know someone will probably come up with the suggestion, "Just be yourself." Haha, obviously I am, it's just that you can't dive too quickly into a friendship. A friendship develops in layers, so you can't be 100% yourself right at the beginnings. Maybe 90,95,99%.



I would love to hear anyone's suggestions or elaborations. Thanks.

[chrisjackson911]

Are you asking me to give you (made up) sercrets about you who i dont know to help this situation? If so, then you sir, are a bad friend. Please explain...

_________________
-Chris Jackson.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't....

[Village_idiot]

You don't need to have secrets to develop a close friendship with other people. I suggest that you go down another route to form best friends with anyone. It doesn't happen straight away, it takes time. A long time, which is a good thing.

I think you should confide in them your feelings and other emotions you go through in life. Like, if there is a girl you particularly like but don't know how to approach... seek advice from them... If you're worried about school exams and coursework.... Issues with families and friends.... talk to them about it.

Show that you trust them enough to value their opinions and return the favour if they ask for advice. If they need any help with anything, i.e get into a fight with an opposing frat-group or anything that calls your friendship into question then do what a friend would do. Even if it means getting badly bruised.

Another way is to spend time with them, discussing various things and getting to know each other more... laughing and jesting until one or more eventually becomes a close friend. If it happens, it happens. If not, there maybe someone later in life who will.

Good relationships are built on honesty, so if anyone tells you to 'be yourself' then that is really sound advice, something you should adhere to because if someone is dishonest in a friendship others will find it really hard to ever trust that person and become close enough to call best friend. And if you feel you can't be yourself among friends you wish to be close with then you'll get to the point where you ask yourself - do they like me or do they like the fake me? - If they don't like you for who you really are then is it worth being friends with them? - besides they'll ask, if you truly trust them, why put on a falseness to impress them? Surely, being yourself around is trust in itself as you would feel comfortable in them knowing who you really are.

Think about it,
I hope it helps...