The Friendship Page Advice Forum

[INFPGuy]

This past February a guy I was immediately attracted to began working on my floor, though he's in a different department. I said hi to him several times, but decided to drop my pursuit because I feared opening a can of worms since we worked so near to one another. Although I tried putting him out of my mind, I felt a sincerity and fondness in the eyes and body language when we looked at each other. Then one day in late MArch, I passd him in the hall and just felt this visceral connection with him. It was so strong. I felt a truthfulness, tenderness, and goodnes about him. I've never felt this way about anyone. What hooked me was the emotional connection I felt. At that point , I decided I had to pursue this--though very cautiously and casually. I finally got the nerve to introduce myself to him, then I would wave to him or say hi when I saw him afterwards. I also made a point to engage him in a few conversations--3 to be exact. Each of these conversations went smoothly, and I still felt that initial connection--perhaps even more. Anyway, last week I asked him if he wanted to get a bite to eat one night after work. Again he was very open and said yes, but he said we would need to go after he returns from his vacation the next week. I wasn't feeling well that day either, and he expressed concern for me which made me feel really good. However, the last two days I saw him talking to another cute guy who works on my floor, and from the body language I feel that the guy I like likes this other guy. Now I think this other guy is straight, as I saw him holding hands with a girl a few weeks ago, whom I presume is his girlfriend. But the fact that I've seen him talking to this guy the last two days makes me want to just drop my feelings for him and forget about dinner, and begin distancing myslef, other than saying hi if I pass him. So many times in the past, I've met someone whom I've really liked and felt that he like dme too, but ultimately I would wind up being wrong about him, and get hurt and very depressed. Do any of you have any thoughs regarding this situation?

[smp130]

that's a tough situation. if you get involved with a coworker, your relationship often becomes the talk of the office. things that you may want to keep private may just become another office rumour. I guess you have to decide how much you like this guy and if it's worth risking your reputation at work. if you think he's worth the risk, then be honest with him. tell him you like him and that you would like to go out with him. tell him that you would like him to be honest with you too. you want to know how he really feels about you. to me it sounds like he likes you too. just because you saw him talking to another guy doesn't mean that he likes the other guy as more than a friend. you may just be reading into this too much. I've ended relationships in the past because my boyfriends became too jealous and possessive when they saw me talking to another guy even though I had no interest in those other guys. don't become one of those jealous possessive guys because you could end up ruining what could be a great relationship with this guy. you just have to give it a chance.

[SunFlowerLove]

I agree with SMP130...it sounds like you could be the possive jealous type. I'd also add that your intentions about this guy seem to be a little on the shallow side. You say you like him, that you have a connection with him and you precieve a goodness about him. Yet you see him flirting w/ another guy and you want to break it off w/ him. If you truely like this guy and want a relationship w/ him regardless if its romantic or platonic you shouldn't be so critical of him when he hasn't done anything to you. I'm a romantic...if you like him...write him an anonymous email, expressing your feelings...don't make it too creepy...just say that I happen to know you..I'm not crazy...I just simply like you. If he respondes...and ask you what size or your breast...chancers are he's straight...but if he doesn't use any pronouns...he might expect that it could be a guy... even if he doesn't bite at least he knows someone out there has a crush

[INFPGuy]

When he came back from his vacation, he was extremely warm and friendly toward me again. Last week he said he was preparing the file for his pictures and wanted to send them to me. I gave him my email address last Thursday, but he never sent them to me. I don't understand why he comes off so friendly with me so often, when he does not seem to be interested after all.

[SunFlowerLove]

I totally can relate to what your going though,

I often fall victim to these sexually ambigious guys too, I know their type too well and know how irrestible they can be. Basically they like the attention, the way you look at them, its an ego boost...they'll flirt back with you...but the second they feel they've gone too far over the rainbow divide...they'll high tell it back over the fence. I don't know...like I said I'm a huge romantic and want to tell you to just go for it...but my experience w/ guys like these has left me feeling upset and strung along...even if the guy is gay bi or curious...he seems to have too much control over your emotions...find someone where you can be in the drivers seat...or co-drivers.

[Bedrock]

You seem to have too much going on in your head and you are making judgments based on nothing but scant suppositions. I also think you are too passive in this whole thing and maybe he feels you backed off a little and your signals could be a little fuzzy. I think it's very short-sighted of you to view everything he does in terms to you. You are reading way too much into his actions (he's not your boyfriend (yet!)) and have been on an emotional roller coaster ever since you set eyes on him.

First decide how you feel about this guy instead of hot one day and cold the next. Follow up on meeting after work. Drop a few hints and see if he shows interest. Be very tactful about it.

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Look to the ant thou sluggard

[adrian]

well, there is nothing wrong in having interest for another person be it a guy or girl. considering he is a colleague, i suppose it is easier for you to approach him. i'd ask him out for lunch together with a few other friends and get him involved in conversations that touches on past relationships and pick traces of words that might indicate his sexuality. if he says "partner" instead of "girlfriend" during the entire conversation, there might be a chance that you're getting somewhere. so its better than putting assumptions. decide on what to do when you know his preferences. good luck : )

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my humble submission of my opinion based on life experiences : )