The Friendship Page Advice Forum

[shay]

Hello everyone,

Well I am almost 25 and I have been with my partner for 9 months and I find it REALLY hard to fall in love

He is the perfect person for me and we click so much its not funny... all I can think about is marrying him and having kids with him, but I just cant fall in love

Its not because of HIM, its because I have a very bad history of physical and emotional abuse and I guess its hard to let that wall down

Has anyone else had any similar circumstances? And do you have any suggestions to helping myself open up?

I really am trying

[sosaine]

I think that you need to ask yourself what exactly your definition of love is. it is a concept that had been sung and written about beyoned any reality. No feelings we mortals have can live up to the hype of what literature, song and even friends' language make us think it should be.
You may already be in love but do not realise it because your feelings are not like those portrayed by art and society. Don't throw away a good relationship because you don't seem to feel the way the books say love feels.

_________________
One of these days !

[GypsyWillow22]

If you honestly feel that he is the only man for you, then you may be truly in love. You need to try to let go of the past and not let those who abused you mess up your ability to experience true happiness. I'll admit, I have been blessed to have not been abused in the past and I admire you for making it through such a horrible thing. But you shouldn't let something like that get to you because that's probably what your abusers want.

_________________
Links are not allowed!

[chrisjackson911]

Honestly i reccemmend talking to someone that can help you. Like a social worker and such. These people help. Thats what they get paid to do

_________________
-Chris Jackson.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't....

[beauanderos]

I really feel finding someone you can trust is harder than finding someone to love. With your history, overcoming the distrust that occured because of hurtful events in your past makes relaxing and "feeling in love" much more difficult. Sometimes the things we undergo can cause an abandonment complex to occur (whomever I get close to hurts/leaves me) or we get a warped conception of what love really might be... so that now, even though you have a perfect partner, you are hedging your hope feeling "yeah, everything is fine right now... but just wait, everyone eventually hurts me." What can happen with people who experience that is that they push others away whenever they feel that love is approaching, afraid that letting themselves go all the way and "feel in love" will be the very emotions that destroy the closeness. A difficult and exasperating Catch 22.